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[Oct. 13-20] full stops and exclamation marks
Kate's back to drinking tequila again. That's never a good sign. Tonight it's a sign she's bouncing between sexy check-in notes with Declan that make this island seem all right and people like Coraline screaming and crying over how much it fucking sucks.
The smart thing to do would be find Will or Magnus, talk some of this out. Even finding someone to spar with, that would work. Thing is, Kate's not that kind of smart. When it comes to helping Coraline? Sure. Yeah. She's been listening to Will do his shrink thing for years now. But when it comes to herself?
Fuck that noise. She'd still rather fuck and forget.
Kate leans her back against a post to watch the room, drinks another shot (hot wheels only, no training), and flirts at whatever makes eye contact. Whether she's Go or just Show, she hasn't decided yet. Mostly, she's trying not to look for anyone in particular. She's trying not to wish he'd come in and just...
Take her home.
[OOC: Find her at the Hub or the Winchester (let me know) any evening between now and the 20th. Available for all of your Freelander needs. If you need a specific date, email me, otherwise I'll work them out. For the record, Kate's very bi but a lot less available than she thinks she is.]
The smart thing to do would be find Will or Magnus, talk some of this out. Even finding someone to spar with, that would work. Thing is, Kate's not that kind of smart. When it comes to helping Coraline? Sure. Yeah. She's been listening to Will do his shrink thing for years now. But when it comes to herself?
Fuck that noise. She'd still rather fuck and forget.
Kate leans her back against a post to watch the room, drinks another shot (hot wheels only, no training), and flirts at whatever makes eye contact. Whether she's Go or just Show, she hasn't decided yet. Mostly, she's trying not to look for anyone in particular. She's trying not to wish he'd come in and just...
Take her home.
[OOC: Find her at the Hub or the Winchester (let me know) any evening between now and the 20th. Available for all of your Freelander needs. If you need a specific date, email me, otherwise I'll work them out. For the record, Kate's very bi but a lot less available than she thinks she is.]
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Nearly all relationships were complicated, but he could imagine for someone like Kate, they were probably more so. He didn't claim to know her that well, but sex, no matter how "casual" is an intimate thing and he'd been with Kate enough times to know that any sort of romantic addition to a relationship would be complicated.
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She's not fucking a guy she's crazy about because she can't commit to not fucking anyone else. And not fucking him is the proof she's got of how he's different. Kate shakes her head.
"Yeah. It really is."
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Aidan had to fight down the urge to instantly offer advice or to comfort her. His natural instinct, or maybe just his defense mechanism, was to nurture. Kate was definitely not the type of person who wanted or would appreciate it right now.
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"If I do this, talk to you about it, this isn't an open invitation to comment. Also, you tell anyone else and I'll kick your ass. Yeah?" It's not really nasty. Just a little...sharp-edged. Kate's wound tighter than a spring tonight.
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He doesn't hold the tone of her voice against her, either. That's just Kate, she's sharp a lot of the times and he knows she doesn't mean anything by it. When she does mean something by it, he has no doubt that will be very obvious.
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"It's complicated." It seems to need repeating. She and Declan are complicated. "We probably would've hooked up at home. But we work for different branches of the same organization, so we don't see each other that often." Kate lifts her beer to her mouth and takes a small sip, then sets it neatly back in front of her. "That would've been a good thing. Occasional across the Pond booty call."
Across the Pond? Fuck, she has been spending a lot of time with Declan. She shakes her head, and moves along.
"Thing is, there's no Pond. The rest of our people are from almost two years ago. And when he's coming from, I just McGyvered an ICBM with him to save our collective asses from a very Big Bad." Shit. She probably shouldn't have mentioned the ICBM. "No reason not to fuck, lots of reasons to do it, but no Pond and he's the relationship type. I'm not. Never have been. But he..."
Kate shrugs. "Makes me want things."
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That wasn't even taking into account the ICBM and other weird things that she was apparently involved in. It was no surprise that she wasn't settling well into the normalcy of the island.
"Has he been pressuring for a relationship?"
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Except... "I guess he kind of is. But it's not..." Hand rubbing her temples, Kate sighs, and looks past Aidan, past the open sides of the bar out into the night. It doesn't feel like pressure, because it's denial instead. It doesn't feel like pressure because she wants it too.
"It's dumb, is what it is. He gave me an ultimatum. No more sex until I can promise him exclusivity. Thing is, I want to promise it. I just can't. I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep."
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"Just to pose a question," Aidan said, shifting in his seat to face her more completely. "Do you really think you can't be exclusive, or it is more that you're concerned about what having a real relationship will mean?"
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She downed half her beer, still shaking her head. Will in a SEAL's body. What a waste. "You wound my soul, Aidan. Seriously. 'What a real relationship will mean?' First of all, how would I know? I've never had one. Second, yeah, I'm worried I can't be exclusive. I'm worried I'll have a night like the one I met you and be too drunk and stupid to go home instead of staying out. I'm worried about hurting the last person on this island I want to hurt and losing the only good thing about being here."
...shut up, Freelander. Shut up and drink.
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"And all I was asking, was if you genuinely think being exclusive will be a problem for you, or if it's just a semi-valid concern you're holding on to because it's easier to claim than being worried about all the unknowns involved with a real relationship. I'm not saying either is true, just curious if maybe it is."
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It's not that different from being part of a team. That's hard. Some days she wants to punch Will or Hank in the face a lot more than work with them. Sometimes they have fights that last days, even weeks. In the end, either the team matters enough to work it out or it doesn't. If it does, you do what you have to. If it doesn't, you walk. She hasn't walked yet and as long they have her back, she'll have theirs. She's pretty sure Declan thinks that way too.
Kate shrugs at Aidan, pinch-faced. "I just owe him more than to make him a guinea pig in the grand fucking experiment of what happens when Kate can't run."
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That was one thing that Aidan understood well, that eventually you had to give people the benefit of the doubt that they saw you as worth it even when you knew you weren't. This guy obviously saw something in Kate that she didn't necessarily see in herself. Aidan could admit there were obvious reasons that someone would want to be with Kate, but he wouldn't be surprised if spending a little more time with Kate when they both kept their clothes on would reveal other reasons as well.
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Kate drops both elbows on the counter and hangs her head between them. She locks her hands behind her neck and doesn't scream, but she's seriously thinking about it. When she looks up again, all traces of fight or flight are gone from her eyes.
"He's not worried. He says we can do this. He says I can do it. Probably, he's right. I get what I want. It's who I am." But the more it matters, the more damage she's willing to do to get it. Her and Declan...there are small countries she might decimate with that ICBM and that might not be a good thing.
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From what he could tell, this guy seemed to see Kate for as valuable and worthwhile as she was. Aidan wasn't sure if Kate was convinced she was that valuable and worthwhile and deserved this sort of relationship. It might be that she just wasn't sure if he wanted it, but he suspected there might be more to it than that.
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"Whatever. I have a shrink if I need one." Now that they're talking again, she does. "You drinking or just taking in the scenery?"
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"But part of that is admiring the scenery I suppose," he said, giving her a bit of a smile.
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