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[For Imriel] Imma meet you halfway
It's quiet.
Kate's alone for what feels like the first time since she found Lilo in the jungle. No kid - not sticky, not scared, not sweet, not sweaty, not screaming, not singing (Elvis, always Elvis), not staring at the ocean, not stirring a jar of voodoo dolls, not stomping, not slamming doors, not saying Kate's mean and fat and has stupid hair because there's no peanut butter or sugar cereal or pizza or she doesn't want to go to bed or she doesn't understand why she can't run off and see all of her new friends or go swimming or surfing by herself Nani let me I'm not Nani no you're not Nani's much better than you I know I hate you!
It's quiet and Kate is collapsed face down on the bed half watching some Australian teen dance drama but mostly missing Declan and trying not to. When she's not wondering how she went from slut to single foster mother of a six-year-old in three hours and thinking it's really different, leaving the kids at the Children's Office or leaving William with Sam and Daniel. Different. Exhausting. She'd kill for enough energy to get up and go for a run or a swim to loosen the mass of knots in her shoulders from picking Lilo up whenever she needs to be held and from worrying the rest of the time that she's screwing up. But that would take work.
Maybe she'll just lie here in a jersey and boy shorts with her hair and arm dangling off the bed and pray there's no reason to move enough to work up a sweat.
[ooc: she lives in New Atlantis, which he'd definitely no and the door's probably half open for air flow and in case the dog decides to come home.]
Kate's alone for what feels like the first time since she found Lilo in the jungle. No kid - not sticky, not scared, not sweet, not sweaty, not screaming, not singing (Elvis, always Elvis), not staring at the ocean, not stirring a jar of voodoo dolls, not stomping, not slamming doors, not saying Kate's mean and fat and has stupid hair because there's no peanut butter or sugar cereal or pizza or she doesn't want to go to bed or she doesn't understand why she can't run off and see all of her new friends or go swimming or surfing by herself Nani let me I'm not Nani no you're not Nani's much better than you I know I hate you!
It's quiet and Kate is collapsed face down on the bed half watching some Australian teen dance drama but mostly missing Declan and trying not to. When she's not wondering how she went from slut to single foster mother of a six-year-old in three hours and thinking it's really different, leaving the kids at the Children's Office or leaving William with Sam and Daniel. Different. Exhausting. She'd kill for enough energy to get up and go for a run or a swim to loosen the mass of knots in her shoulders from picking Lilo up whenever she needs to be held and from worrying the rest of the time that she's screwing up. But that would take work.
Maybe she'll just lie here in a jersey and boy shorts with her hair and arm dangling off the bed and pray there's no reason to move enough to work up a sweat.
[ooc: she lives in New Atlantis, which he'd definitely no and the door's probably half open for air flow and in case the dog decides to come home.]
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Fuck it.
Her fingertips trace over the light lines on Imri's back. She's gentle. It's not something people expect from her but she can be. A lot of her favorite weapons have hair triggers. That's the lie she's telling and she's making herself believe it.
But that's not all. She leans in and presses a kiss, soft, simple, not even really sexual, to his shoulder. It's an apology, mostly for pushing. But she also doesn't know what to say.
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She chews at her bottom lip for a minute and then says, "Told you I'm not so good at talking. Better at listening. But there's a lot you don't know about me, too. It's..." Her smile is tired, and she's hit again by how exhausted she is. By how good it feels, the warmth of his back against her chest. "Complicated. I don't even know if it matters."
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She hasn't told anyone except Savannah and she forgives everyone everything. Declan knew. Aidan...can't judge. Will knows her.
Her lips rub together and finally she nods, pulls back and lifts off her shirt (she's wearing the wine-colored lace demi-bra she'd had when she got here) and shows Imri the ugly bullet scar in her right shoulder. "I'm not...good, Imri. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of. Every day is--" She shrugs, not quite meeting his eyes. "A struggle. To be better, to earn the chances Helen and Will gave me. The day I got this, I was working with this guy. Jimmy. Neither of us knew it before this happened but he killed my dad. He saved me, that day, but he killed my dad. And when Helen and Will found us, I was holding a gun to his head. I was going to kill him for it. I still don't know for sure if I didn't do it because I didn't or because they were there to stop me."
Her fingers skim his forearm and she lifts her gaze to his again. It's not the same, but I get you.
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I will try to be good. I, too, needs must put forth a daily effort to follow that conviction.
Turning slightly toward her, I mirror her prior actions, touching gentle fingers to the scar. "Mayhap a little of both," I commented, meeting her gaze. "I understand what it is to struggle in such a way. I'm not kind, though I strive to be."
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It's weird, too, because they're wearing a lot less than they were in the barn but the part of her that wants is a lot quieter than the part that wants this. Quiet, comfort, understanding.
"You're better and stronger than you think you are, Imri. I would've given you anything the other day and you wanted it. But you walked away. I was pissed but I'm glad you did. It would've hurt you." And I wouldn't have forgiven myself for that.
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"I could not have continued," I said in reply. "It was unfair to you, the way I went about it, but I could not have done that, not to you." Love as thou wilt also meant knowing when to stop.
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I knew the desire had not left, for either of us, and I was not willing to push it aside. A different approach, mayhap, was needed. "I know." I lifted a hand to tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear.
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But she knows Imri's not going back there again to where they were. Not until they work out how to be together and he trusts her. She's not ready to go back either. It sucked last week and if Aidan hadn't stepped up, she'd still be too raw to let him touch her at all.
She glances at the screen paused on two dancers sharing a kiss and she can't help grinning. "So. How do you feel about dating?"
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She's not saying let's figure this out with our clothes mostly on first because she never would. Except...the way she wants to roll for him, yeah, she kind of is.
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"You did mention The Princess Bride before," I said, remembering. "Might we begin with that?"
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She scrolls down the menu and flips on The Princess Bride. "So, this movie...it's...not serious. But in a way, it is. It makes fun of romance movies about true love and adventure, but it's kind of one of the most romantic movies ever."
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"I look forward to it," I replied, and placed my hands at her shoulders to start the massage as she started the movie.
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She sighs and lets her arms drag over the end of the bed as the movie starts to play. "Is it weird if I say I missed you?"
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She turns her head so she can smile contentedly up at Imri. "It's been kind of a...weird week." But she's not sure if Imri's a talk-and-kiss over the movie date or a watching every world date yet, so she's quiet. "For lots of reasons. Thanks...you know. For coming to patch this up, you and me."
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"It is I who should be thanking you," I replied. "For your understanding, and your willingness to listen." I was still broken, I knew - not as badly as I had once been, but betimes that brokenness showed through despite my efforts to be good.
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"Don't take this wrong but...you're kind of a predator. Like a vamp or like me. Violence is part of you and you hate that. I get it.
"My best friends at home..." She glances at the screen, hits pause, and keeps talking. "They're like both sides of that coin. Biggie, he's like...the gentle giant. He's Bigfoot. A Yeti. Big furry guy like 8 feet tall, not human, but the best person you'll ever meet. One time, he had to kill a man. It broke his heart. Took him months to really get right again and it stained him forever.
"Henry..." She's told people about Biggie but not Henry. It's weird, right, but because of what Imri is, trusting him's almost instinctive. "He's a HAP. Hyper-Accelerated Protean. In his case, a werewolf. He hated that part of him and wanted to get rid of it, so bad. It took him a long time, you know, to get okay with it and learn to control it. And me...I'm just..." Talking about herself is harder and she's not really sure he cares. So she just shrugs. "Like I said.
"To me, there's nothing wrong with who you are and how you are. I'm used to it. Used to helping different kinds of people deal with it." She frowns and rolls half up to her side. "You get what I'm saying, right? I'm not trying to make out like the shit that happened to you isn't a big deal. Just saying accepting it and stuff, that's...kind of what I've been doing since I started trying to be--" Not a white hat, not likely ever. "Better."
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"I believe I do," I continued. "My past is part of who I am, and I cannot get away from it, but I can come to terms with it."
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