girlsolo | [For Declan] Jan 22: when I don't know what to say

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[For Declan] Jan 22: when I don't know what to say

She's been here since September. Been through people getting powers, people coming, people going, the island itself changing, finding out that she's maybe fictional or some kind of crap, but it's really not until today Kate's realized just how much this place fucks with her. Over breakfast, she finds out one of the people she really likes and respects lost her husband and now she's like five months pregnant and raising the kid of someone else who left her. By herself. The kid - who she fucking loves, okay? and, whatever, just she does - lost his mom, his uncle, and now his step-dad in a place that's way too safe for death to be something you just get like she and Thad did.

And when she comes home to detox for an hour before going to make up with her boyfriend, because she's been a complete fucking jackass for a week and he could just disappear any second without her ever getting to fix it, there's this sweet set up on her porch. A laptop with a huge screen and killer resolution, long life batteries, cords, speakers, HDMI for TV hookup, seriously everything a chick could want. There's a gold bow on top and a card that says "For Kate Freelander," and when she powers it up, it's got a sick media library. Movies, tv, music, games. She's not even sure whether to laugh or cry. Which she doesn't do. Cry. Not much. Not often. Not because it's weak or whatever. It's just not her thing.

She shakes her head and packs it all up in one of her woven hemp bags. Cleans herself up. Then spends about ten minutes deciding what face she's wearing when she goes to see Declan. Leather, lace, trench coat? She lines her eyes with some kohl and smudges some berry colored stain on her mouth but she's still not sure. Maybe jewelry will settle it. With a flick of her hand, she opens the box (not her box, and fuck if she doesn't miss that) and --

The light catches on a flash of bright silver and deep, rich blue. It's beautiful.

Kate doesn't cry, but when she lifts out the bracelet and slides it around her wrist, the kohl on her eyes smears and her lashes are wet. No one's ever given her anything like this before. She's an idiot.

* * *

Half an hour later, she's on Declan's doorstep with their new system, wearing refreshed makeup, the bracelet he gave her, and a straight-up Kate face. Black leather, black lace, blue top and jeans. She knocks because it's been a week and he won't be expecting her.

"Declan?"

*
Title lyrics from Pat Benatar's We Belong.

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"Mmmph," comes Kate's reply. Sue her, she hasn't had coffee and her mouth's busy. He's sleep-sticky even though they washed up last night after sex, but Kate doesn't mind the salt and musk on his skin. Especially not when he's got his hand in her hair like that and she's thinking yeah, good morning, babe while she's kissing her way down his chest to his stomach.

"How eloquent," Declan teases, voice warm and sweet. It feels good to be like this but he knows he won't be able to take it for long before he's rolling her under him to return the favor.

"Better take your time, love, because then I get my turn."

Kate holds up a hand and flips him off cheerfully for the eloquent, not even pausing to do it. But she does flip her hair over her head so that it joins her mouth in dragging over his abs.

Her body tightens from the tone of his voice and the suggestion he's taking his turn. It's stupid how fast she gets wet for him, how fast she rolls for him, and how completely. But she kind of likes it anyway.

Right now, she's showing him just how much time she can take, swirling her tongue over skin that rarely gets kissed. Slow slow wicked slow. He can't really complain. It was his idea.

It was his idea, yeah, and Declan should have known that if given an inch, Kate's going to take a bloody mile. Right now, he's got no complaints about that mile and the drag of her hair along his chest is a sensation he'd never expect to feel so good.

"Could I get an itinerary of your plans down there or are you looking to surprise me?"

"Magnus says it's low-brow to talk with your mouth full." Kate smirks up at him, mouth not yet full but threatening to be to be soon. In case he's not sure of that, she runs the tip of her finger up his shaft, deliberate but also playful when it swirls around the head but skips the tip.

"You really need me to spell it out for you, babe, or are you just looking to hear me say I want to suck your brain out through your dick?"

"The words are nice. I'd rather get to the action portion of it," Declan says, rolling his hips up slightly against her to encourage her in that direction, not that she needs it. Kate's always generous with physical affection and this is certainly no exception to the rule.

Kate definitely doesn't need the encouragement, but it's never a bad thing to know the guy you're about to suck off is looking forward to it. She grins up at him, runs her tongue over her already swollen lips, and then ducks down to get back to business.

He's hard already, has been since he woke up, and Kate's probably as eager as he is. She loves giving head, has never understood chicks who think it's a burden or a birthday gift. As soon as she gets her lips around his head, she gives herself over to the salt and musk of his precum and the heat of him against her tongue.

Declan's glad she doesn't think it's a chore because it's something he loves and, if Kate weren't so bloody obvious about liking it, something he'd never ask for. As it is, he gently winds his hands in her hair and murmurs nonsense. He doesn't know if she likes to hear that but, luckily, she's never actually complained so he just goes with what feels good.

Kate's ambivalent about one thing and only one thing when it comes to blow jobs: whether they should be fast and hard, him fucking her mouth, or slow and leisurely. Since this is just for him (kinda, since she gets off on it anyway), she decides fast and hard today, and gets messy about it.

She's not even trying to draw it out, just giving him everything she knows he likes and then some. Her mouth is wet, spit's all over her face and his thighs all mixed up with his precum, her head bobs, cheeks hollowing to suck him in deep and throat open to swallow him. He'll probably have a set of bruises from how hard she's holding his thighs for balance, and she'll probably lick and suck and bite them to make them bigger.

She's his, but he's hers, too. And she always makes damn sure he knows it.

He's never been with a hellcat before Kate and she brings new meaning to the term. Since she wants it fast, he gives it to her, hips rocking up to fuck her mouth, cock brushing against the back of her throat.

He'll be gentle with her later, if she lets him, but right now it's all about him and what he wants. God, he's lucky she gets this way.

Declan gets the invitation and RSVPs a definite yes with the rhythm his hips set. Kate wouldn't know a dinner party from a Denny's, most days, but she's a damned good hostess when it comes to this. Open, relax, swallow, make him comfortable taking what he wants.

It's probably the moan that sells it, the way it rolls up his dick, vibrating his skin. She loves this. She loves it as much as when he pins her, holds her hips, and licks and sucks and makes her come over and over and over. Maybe she'll convince him to tie her up later.

Right now it's just suck and swallow and feeling him build and that strange disconnected sexual float where she is her mouth around his cock and the only other thing she feels is the answering, impatient pulse in her clit.

Declan's no teenager and he can last, normally, but Kate's too bloody good at what she does for him to have the patience of a monk with her. He doesn't want to, either, and he snaps his hips up sharply in response to her sucking.

"Close, love. Figure you're swallowing, yeah?" He doesn't expect a response, considering she's occupied, but if she doesn't feel like swallowing, there's her warning to pull off.

Like she's ever not swallowed unless he was giving her a pearl necklace or something. If she could, Kate would shake her head. She can't, so she tightens her grip on his thighs instead, fingernails digging up into the muscle while she pulls her mouth down to the base of his dick. When they're done here, she's going to remind him that courtesy's sweet but they've been fucking for months and there are some things, she kind of wants him to take for granted.

It's enough of an answer for him and Declan lets loose on the control he's had up until this point, hips snapping up and coming while Kate's mouth is tight around him.

"Christ, you're good, Katie."

"Yep," Kate agrees, when she's swallowed and regained function in her jaw. That actually takes a minute of working it side to side, and because she's Kate, she doesn't clean off her mouth before she crawls back up his body. Every guy likes to see his partner's mouth wrecked and splashed with come and Kate likes to show Declan she's hot for him like that.

"Also always willing to swallow," she purrs and kisses him hard when she's sprawled all over him. "Don't need to warn me. When have I ever done something I didn't want to do? If I'm not in the mood, babe, I'll let you know."

"English," Declan retorts, as if that explains everything about being polite. It doesn't, not by a long shot, but it's good enough for the early morning when he's still learning how to breathe after that blow job.

"It's my nature. I think it's because I know, even if you've never told me, that people haven't always been respectful of you and your needs. I always want to be, even if I don't have to."

"Listen," Kate says, pushing herself up off his chest and looking down at him. She's trying not to get upset about this, but he pretty much just said he thinks she's damaged goods and he's not listening to her.

She exhales slowly, shakes her head and says quietly, "You know that fight we just had? You're kind of doing it again." This is hard for her. Especially hard to do it without raising her voice and running away. But she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to fight with him. She just wants him to get her. That means letting him hear that this hurts.

"I get that you want to be good to me and it's sweet." Her voice gets lower, fingertips trace along his collarbone and she can't quite meet his gaze. "But whoever that girl is who needs long slow build to orgasms and for you to warn her before you come? She's not me. I need you to be with me."

It doesn't sit well with him, being told he's doing something wrong, especially when the result of that means he's hurting the woman he loves. Unfortunately, he doesn't know what to say to make it better, so he's simply quiet for a moment and strokes his hand along her skin.

"It's not meant to hurt you, Kate."

That's good, really good, what he said. Not because it fixes it, but because he's not fighting. She kisses him for it, a quick soft kiss, then touches her forehead to his.

"I know, babe. I do. But..." Kate exhales again and tries to find words. She's great with words when it's lies and banter and bullshit. Sucks at them when it counts. "I'm not..." The word actually hurts her mouth like something spiky and metal and bitter, but she pushes it out anyway: "Broken. I don't need to be fixed or babied or rescued. I rescued myself a long time ago."

She inhales, closes her eyes, reminds herself that he loves her and this is safe and the right thing and if she tries to explain, he'll try to understand.

"The first few times we do something, I get you needing to ask and be sure. That's you being--" She smiles small and it's not faked, just strained. "British. That's okay by me. Or if something's off and you're not sure, it's okay then too. It's not even that it's a big deal you warning me when you're gonna come or asking if you can take me, not really."

As much as she wants to hide her face, she doesn't, just drops his gaze briefly to press her lips to his neck instead, steadies herself and then lifts up again so he can see her eyes. "Except. When I tell you I don't want you to and you say you're going to do it anyway, it says what I want doesn't count. Same as when you decide 'being good to me' means taking it slow and drawing it out, when what I want is something else. You're worried about respecting me and that's awesome, but the thing I need you to respect is my choices, you know?"

Declan's honestly never thought about it that way, that his wanting to be polite negates her needs and he brushes his thumb against her shoulder, trying to reassure her.

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean anything by it."

It's not really an apology Kate's looking for, or it wasn't, but it feels pretty good to have it. She knows him, knows he has to be struggling as much as she is with words. What's he going to say anyway?

"Thanks, babe," she whispers and ducks her forehead to his chest. Now that she's got all the words out, her heart's pounding a mile a minute. He can probably feel it under his hand.

"I'll try to do better in the future," he says softly, though it's little consolation. He doesn't like hurting her and knowing he's done it more than once, well. It stings. It pricks at the part of him that's a complete perfectionist and makes him want to do better and be the best.

"Are we good for now?"

That's the thing she really needed to hear. A knot loosens between her shoulder blades and another in her gut. She nods and says, "Me too. About hearing you when you really need something," like not to risk hurting her. It might seem like the same but it's not.

Preferences aren't the same thing as actual danger. He was right last time: her body and if she wants to risk it, she can. But it's wrong to force him to do it.

"We're good--" She nods and then ducks her head again. It's not normal for her to be shy about stuff but after that, it's hard to get herself to say, "Except...if you don't want to do it, it's cool, but I kind of need to get off." Maybe she should just do it herself because she needs it quick, no fuss, no bother.

"So how do you want it?" Declan asks, grinning a bit at her. It's cute, in a way, the way she seems a little shy about asking and while he gets it (they did just fight) he's never going to deny her that and he thinks she ought to know it.

"I'm game for anything."

If relief has a flavor, Kate's kiss is it. She knows he'll never deny her. She's never had trouble asking for what she wants. But she's never been in "a relationship" either and that changes things. The person whose body parts she's borrowing isn't a one-off or a short-term fling. Maybe her body just needs his parts, but her heart needs him.

"Thanks," she whispers into that quick, hard kiss. Not for the orgasm but for making it easy. She hopes and she's pretty sure, he knows what she means. And as for what she wants, that's easier. "Your fingers, like the night you wouldn't fuck me, and your mouth." Just that quick, she drops off to her back, grins guiltily up at him. "But fast."

[For Declan] Jan 22: when I don't know what to say

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