[For Phoebe] I've got all the symptoms

[girlsolo]

There's no tape to wind around her fists on the island. There never has been, but this morning after her run while the sun's still coming up and the world is gray, it really fucking bugs Kate. Her skin feels stiff and cold, even though it's already shaping up to be a sticky day. Stiff, cold, and overfull. Like a hit to the wrong place will split her open and she doesn't even fucking know what would come out.

She wraps her hands in muslin from a dress she tore apart to make something decent for Lilo and it feels like a damned tragedy. Whatever. This island can suck her. She's done.

When Phoebe finds her, she's already slick with sweat from her run and from the aggression she's channeling into the bag. Her knuckles haven't split but she's muttering curses between combinations and screaming so loud that no one can hear.

Comments

[blackb3ltbarbie]

"Not always fighting." Phoebe said quietly, pulling her knees up to her chest. "But yeah, I know what you mean. It's easier, though God that's never easy, losing someone when you're in danger because it's expected." Though Phoebe was used to people leaving with jobs or other reasons. Her relationship before Cole had been like that. He'd left to work and live in Hong Kong.

[girlsolo]

"It's not easy but at least it makes sense." That's the part that bugs her the most. It doesn't make sense. Why Sawyer? He'd been here forever. She shrugs, presses her cut lip to the knee of her sweats, shrugs again and then lifts her head just enough to say, "It kinda feels personal, I guess. So many people, so fast. Liv and Imri haven't even been gone that long yet."

[blackb3ltbarbie]

"God, yeah I can see how you'd think Fate, Powers, whatever had it in for you." Phoebe rested her head on the tops of her knees looking at Kate. To be honest, it would be enough to break a lot of people and send them all saying screw it.

"I know this sounds cheesy and believe me I can't believe I'm saying this, but another way to look at it, is that you were lucky to have the time you did with them. Timing sucked that you didn't get enough time, but it also was good timing that it brought them in your life, if only a little bit."

She turned her head so that her eyes met Kate's, "you or I could leave tomorrow and as much as that would hurt like a son of a bitch, I'd always have this time I had with you and I won't ever regret that." Phoebe didn't have many female friends outside of her sisters. Women usually thought she was after their boyfriends, even though she'd never cross that line. Which made this with Kate really special.

[girlsolo]

"You're right. It sounds cheesy," Kate mutters but there's a tiny hint of a smile lurking in her eyes. "You know you can be glad you got a chance to fuck a guy and still be pissed off he's gone at the same time." As raw as her voice sounds, it's still more like her than anything that's gone before it.

She nudges her shoulder against Phoebe's. "Don't get sappy on me, Barbie." Old nickname now. Kate almost never calls her that anymore. "Save deciding whether you'll miss me til you're actually gone." Since she's got a feeling she's like Sawyer. Not one of the leavers but one of the one who stays, year after year, while everyone around them goes.

[blackb3ltbarbie]

Phoebe nudges Kate's shoulder back, "Sappy? Me? Never." Though she was usually the poster girl for sappy when it came to love and family. "And you've got a deal." Phoebe wasn't planning on going anywhere, even the desire to be there for when Piper gave birth was a constant gnaw every day, it wasn't as strong as when she first arrived.

[girlsolo]

Brow lifting, Kate shakes her head slightly but leans over and steals a quick, sweaty, bloodied kiss. After, the only explanation she gives is, "Sealing the deal."

Somehow, this thing with Phoebe doesn't have the weird pressures of being with Declan, or Imri, Sawyer, or even Neal. It's always been more like Trip and Jim. No need to ask where they're going. Wherever it is, they're pretty much there.

They don't do much gossiping about who else they're banging but Sawyer'd come up a time or two after she slept with him before he left. She'd had to tell someone she'd broken his fast. Plus, you just didn't tap an ass that fine without sharing it with your best girlfriend. So, eventually, she owns up, "It's Sawyer. In case you were wondering."

[blackb3ltbarbie]

Phoebe had only heard about Sawyer, she'd never met him but he obviously had meant a lot to Kate, more than just an ass to tap. "Oh man, that really bites." Saying she's sorry wouldn't really help so she didn't bother to offer it.

[girlsolo]

"Black widow," Kate says, shrugging like it's nothing, but it's not nothing. "He was like the first person I met on the island. We've been chasing..." She squeezes her eyes shut. "We had been chasing each other for like a year. Finally go and fuck and then he's gone. He'd been here forever. Kinda feels like it's because of me. Imri and I were just getting there and he's gone, too."

[blackb3ltbarbie]

Phoebe didn't think that Kate wanted to hear how logically others have probably gone through the same thing. When you lose a lot of people close to you, you don't really care that you're not the only one. Misery doesn't always love company.

"I can see how it would feel that way." She said quietly, turning her head to look at Kate. "I'd say it goes in threes but on the island it doesn't really follow that."

Phoebe had met some people that had left the island, or she's assuming they did as she hadn't seen them in a while, but she hadn't really made any connections. At least nothing that would hurt if they left beyond Kate and Phoebe wasn't sure what that said about her. It was like back in New York. A lot of superficial friends but almost like she was in a holding pattern until her 'life' started again.

[girlsolo]

"It's not like I want a white picket fence anyway," Kate says, shrugging off the way she knows it sounds. The damned bracelet makes it seem that way too but it's not. It's just proof that she can get it right, maybe, somewhere. "It'd just..."

She glances at Phoebe and sighs finally. "I guess I'm really worried about, you know, Lilo. Going back to Nani and her ohana would be good for her, but..." Call a spade a spade, Freelander... "It'd suck for me. She's...the best thing I've done. If that makes any sense."

[blackb3ltbarbie]

"Yeah it makes a lot of sense." Phoebe assures her friend. "It's hard, really hard, to give up something that makes a difference in your life. That makes you believe you're a better person because of it." She got that, even if for her it was magic and helping people instead of a person. Phoebe didn't feel like she was a screw up when she got letters thanking her for her advice or she saw the look of gratitude on an innocent's face when she and her sisters helped.

"And to give up a person you care about on top of that, even if you know it would be good for them, is just as hard."

[girlsolo]

That's not exactly it, not really, and it makes her miss Sawyer even more. Phoebe's not enough of a fuck up to really get how important that one good thing is, but she is a good friend.

"Less hard, more getting the rug pulled out from under me, but yeah. Close enough." She pushes up to her feet again, ready to spar, and holds a hand down to Phoebe. "Sick of acting like the next candidate for emo indie pop star of the year. Let's do this thing."

In its way, it's a thank you. As close as they're gonna get. Today anyway.