[Powers Plot] Sept. 16: With all my shields and protection, it's only me I deceive

[girlsolo]

Magnus's words you could be lovely together are ringing in Kate's ears when she wakes in Declan's hut before him and before the sunrise. In Declan's arms, wrapped as firmly around him as Will's stupid sloth and smiling as stupidly in her sleep.

She doesn't want to "be lovely" with anyone. It's too much responsibility. Too much for her to take on. She has to focus on getting them out of here and on getting better. Being better. Declan needs someone who isn't her. Someone who won't just break his heart a million times. If he even wants her.

There's no reluctance to leave his bed or his arms today. She's not even sure why she came here last night since they're not fucking and she shouldn't have, even though she's grateful he lets her. Kate lifts his arm and squirms out from under it, murmuring, "Be right back," when he rouses.

She grabs her clothes and her boots without stopping to put them on, steals off into the trees to do what he probably thinks she's doing, then quickly dresses and stows her knives. Not three minutes have passed before Kate's racing across the island toward the Compound for coffee and information.

It's not long before she realizes something is very wrong on the island. Something is very very wrong.

*
Title and lj-cut lyrics from Melissa Etheridge's Dance Without Sleeping.

Comments

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"Sorry, I got upset when I was with Will and I just disappeared again," Helen admitted, starting to calm down when she realized it was Kate. "I hate this stupid power and wish it would just go away."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Nothing to apologize for," Kate assures her breezily and leads her over to a niche in the cavern wall that people use for a bench. "Catching the boss out of the sky's in my job description, right?"

She has no idea what she's doing, trying to comfort Magnus. Will should be doing that. But she does know there's not a damned thing she wouldn't do for this woman. Scares the fuck out of her, but there you have it.

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"Ah yes, right up with trash collection and Abnormal wrangling," Helen said, laughing lightly. It soothed her nerves, at least, to have a laugh and she hoped she could calm down enough to get back to Will.

"I'm just incredibly frustrated with teleporting every time I have an emotion."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate smiles, even though Magnus's laugh sounds kind of forced to her. It's not something she'd normally do, but she reaches over and smooths the doc's hair. There's a twig in it, and she plucks that out. It's weird, seeing her a little a mess. Magnus never lets that happen and Kate feels like if she can help her look more herself she'll feel more herself.

Or maybe she just really cares about her and can't stand seeing it. Who knows?

"Maybe you can just sit and talk with me for a bit. It could help."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"Perhaps it will," Helen agreed. "At the very least, maybe it won't make things worse than they already are. It's just, this particular power reminds me of John, first and foremost, and then of losing Ashley. I never wanted to go through that pain again and now that I have it, it's all I can think about."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Every time Magnus mentions Ashley, here, home, whenever, Kate winces. Ashley wasn't Kate's fault but she'd helped the Cabal. "I'm so sorry, Magnus. For all of it." She presses her lips together, head ducking forward. She's said it before, but... "I'm really sorry that you have to go through this."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"I'll survive. I'm made of sterner stuff than I've displayed of late," Helen said, laughing lightly. "I'll persevere, I always do. Was Will terribly worried about me, then?"

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"He thought..." Kate never likes Baldy but, man, does she ever hate him right now. "He thought Druitt had you when he came to find us. I already knew about the powers, so I convinced him to go back to the hut and let me and Declan search." She ducks her head a little, watching her hands where they hold Magnus's elbow and rub against her own thigh. "I was sure I was right but if I was wrong...I just knew we needed to protect Will and you. Easier to do that if you weren't together."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"If it had been John, I imagine I would have given as good as I got," Helen said, managing to sound at least halfway confident about that. John had tried to harm her more than once but Helen knew how to manipulate him emotionally; it was her only trump card in those situations.

"But not without some destruction. I'm glad it wasn't John."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

The thought of a mortal Magnus facing a still-powered Druitt twists a knife in Kate's gut. She's never ever going to say anything to anyone about it, and Magnus can take care of herself. But Kate hates this.

"Me too, doc," she says softly instead and then puts on her sharpest, strongest face. "But I'm here now. Me and Declan. You've got Will to keep you happy and us to keep you safe." She'd like to be someone who makes Magnus happy, but that's kind of a stretch for Kate. Making anyone happy.

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"I'm quite confident Nikola would lend a hand as well," Helen said, tucking her hair behind her ears. "There's no love lost between John and Nikola either. Though, I suspect that mostly has to do with me and not anything between them, exactly. I wouldn't know."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It stings that Magnus doesn't get it still. That she's never going to be the Magnus who would rather have Kate at her back than anyone, even Will, in a fight. But it's not about Kate. Not now. Something the old Kate Freelander would never have said.

She nods. "I'm sure he would. He's only a dick about Will because he wants you for himself."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"And he shall never have that," Helen said airily. "I think I've picked quite well, for once in my life. Will is very good to me."

She paused for a moment before speaking again, this part a bit more serious. "And we're very happy you're here, Kate. I've missed you."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate runs her tongue along the inside of her teeth. Magnus hasn't missed her. She's missed the girl she knew. Which is weird.

"He's good to you at home, too. Not the same way, but Will's Will." Will's grown, yeah, but he's still Will. Kate, sometimes she feels like a different person completely. It makes it hard to answer Magnus. She's not sure whether to paint on the happy face and lie, or tell her the truth.

"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, Magnus, but I'm not happy I'm here and I never will be. I'm glad that I can have your back, though."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"I suppose that's all I can ask for," Helen said, her smile dimming just a touch. "I wouldn't have wished this place on anyone but selfishly, I'm so happy that you and Declan have showed. I missed...I missed feeling like I mattered. It's easier with you, Will, Declan and Nikola."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

If it's weird to think anyone could miss the old Kate Freelander, girl solo, it's even weirder to see Magnus doubting herself. Even a little.

"If you sat on your ass and ate Alfredo's every day for the rest of your life, you'd matter." That's so solid and certain there's no room to doubt it. But Kate only gets fiercer the longer she talks. "If the millions of lives you've touched, changed, saved don't do it for you, well. There's Jimmy. He'd have blown up a subway if not for you. And there's me. Maybe someday I would've turned my life around without you, but I doubt it. So don't ever say that again. Don't even think it."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"I know. I just get this way occasionally," Helen said, straightening her shoulders and putting up her guard once again. "And I'll pull my way out, I always do. It's just a hazard of a long life."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Damn. She didn't mean to make her feel...whatever. She's just trying to give her her face back. Same as Kate would want for herself.

Kate reaches over to touch her hand, and there's a little more softness in her eyes in her voice when she says, "Listen, Magnus. I get it. I mean, I don't, I can't. But I know how easy it is to get...lost, here. If my being here helps you feel less lost, well, then I'm glad I'm here. After everything you've done for me, it's seriously the least I can do."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"Thank you," Helen said warmly, smile coming a little easier. "It means more to me than I could ever possibly say. Now, I suppose I should go try and find Will again, shouldn't I?"

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate breathes out a little sigh of relief. "You can just stay with me, if you want. We're meeting at the Winchester at sundown. Me, him, and Declan. I figured you might go to Trixa if you couldn't find us."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"Or Nikola, both of whom are likely to be found near alcohol," Helen said, smirking a bit. "Trixa of course because she sells it and Nikola, well. We all know about Nikola's habits."

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I couldn't find him though," Kate says and now that she thinks about it, that's pretty weird. She can almost always find him. "I'll look for him after we get you back to Will, okay?"

Re: After Will and Magnus

[notsocommon]

"That seems like the most prudent course of action," Helen agreed. "Thank you, Kate. For listening for a bit while I had a crisis?"

Re: After Will and Magnus

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate shrugs and smiles just a little. It's always weird, good weird, but weird when Magnus thanks her for something or trusts her or praises her. "Sure. It's not like it's a hardship to be your friend or anything."

Not like it at all. Even if this isn't her Magnus, and she wants to go home to her, she's still Magnus. Any Magnus thinking enough of her to trust her with this stuff is... a lot more than Kate ever expected. A lot more.