[For Savannah] It messed me up, need a second to breathe

[girlsolo]

Kate's tired of kissing strangers to get them free of mistletoe. She's especially tired of snooty Victorian Brits (even if they turn out fine). And she's even more tired, raw, from the shades of little Victorian children, none of them acting like kids at all if she tries to talk to them.

She spends the afternoon shopping, in and out of little curio shops. She "buys" a small book of maps, a tiny globe on a brass stand, a small one for Declan, an ivory elephant, two scrimshaw carved scene on matched walrus tusks (it reminds her of the steno tusks she didn't end up stealing) and a tea set. Kids like tea sets, right?

It's sunset by the time she crosses the bridges to what used to be the Compound. She's planning to slip in and leave some of the things for the kids at the Children's Office and get out before anyone catches her. Just like she's been doing. Tonight when she gets in, there's a light in the office. Savannah's there still.

Kate's about to leave, but the swell of Savannah's belly in silhouette when she turns toward the light and the smile in her eyes arrests Kate. She tucks her gloves into her pockets, pushes her hair back and straight, then knocks.

*
Title lyrics from Adam Lambert's What Do You Want From Me?

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[girlsolo]

"Just here." Kate lifts her chin and flips her hands a little. "It's weird." She has a lot of thoughts about how weird. Like that the three of them are tangled up in some other world and they're all dead except the baby that's part of all of them. And that baby is her baby. But mostly... "I don't want kids. It's not me, but it's still me and I don't know why I would do that."

[seeyousoonthen]

"That's a real good question. I think that it's something you're going to have to puzzle out yourself. We all think about what ifs, don't we? What if one thing was different or something had or hadn't happened. To know something really did happen in another...another universe, like you said, that's really something."

Then she reached out and laid her hand lightly on Kate's shoulder for it was a simple gesture that cost her nothing and yet it was something that could connect and ground a troubled person. And Kate, for all her strength and attitude, seemed to Savannah like this troubled her a little more than she let on. Or maybe she just thought of how she would react to news of a child and her own death.

She'd read that book about her and that was bad enough. What ifs had almost eaten her alive.

"All you can do is live now. In the moment. That's all we have. You can't change the past and you can't predict the future...and you sure as heck don't have any say in what goes on with another version of your life, right?"

[girlsolo]

It's cute and really sweet. Maybe not comforting like the weight of Magnus's hand backed by everything she knows, but Kate knows truth when she hears it. Cons do. No one knows truth better, or how much it's worth.

She nods and drops her chin down to her forearms again. "I'm not one for getting up in my head usually. Better at looking at what's here and now and doing what needs to be done." It might not seem like it flows, but Kate pushes at the sand dollars she set on the table. Nudges them across toward Savannah with her fingertips. "It was me, leaving these."

[seeyousoonthen]

"I had an idea it might have been," Savannah said. Not at the time, of course, but now, with all this, the pieces fit. All it did was cement her opinion that Kate would be a perfect addition to the staff.

"You can always bring things in. The kids just love them. And now you'll have the chance to play with them and teach them. I think you're going to have so much fun with us, Kate. I really do."

[girlsolo]

"Not my usual idea of fun either," Kate says, but this time she's just being a smartass and it shows in her smirk. As long as she doesn't look too close at why she's doing this or why she wants to, it'll be okay. Good, even.

She pushes up to her feet again decisively. "All right, put me to work. And when you pop that baby out and you're good to go, we'll go have some adult fun. Deal?"

[seeyousoonthen]

"Deal," she agreed, though she had her doubts that her idea of adult fun would be what Kate had in mind. It didn't matter right now, though. Right now she simply smiled, happy to have a new helper and a new friend.