[For Declan] Jan. 14: so concrete runs in rivers but there's sugar here to suck

[girlsolo]

After beating the crap out of Druitt and getting some of hers beat out too, Kate's more confused than anything. He didn't kill her. Didn't even try to kill her. To be fair, she hadn't tried to kill him either. Magnus wouldn't have forgiven her. Declan would be pissed even if he'd stand by her. Steve would've been 'disappointed' even if he got why she did it. Explaining it the Girl Scouts wouldn't have been worth it. And more than anything, she just...didn't like killing. She'd do it if she had to, but doing it when she didn't, didn't that make her just like him? Worse?

But now she's got a bitch of a black eye. Split lip. A bump on her head. Three seriously bruised ribs. Her right fist looks like she punched a stone wall. Because she did when she missed him. And her legs...she doesn't even want to think about the scrapes bruises.

She grabs fresh clothes from the box, a shower, and covers up the worst of it, then spends the day looking for Joan. It doesn't do fuck-all for the damage to her body. But she's awake, not concussed, she drinks enough water, keeps down her food, and doesn't find Joan in the caves or, bypassing civilization where Auggie and Annie are looking, farther out.

No Joan, no Druitt, no Declan. Not that she looks very hard for Declan before nightfall. He's going to be pissed. And...it's a waste of time. Every hour they don't find her decreases her chances of being alive. By nightfall, she's all but given up. She'll look again tomorrow but she doesn't expect to find her.

When she goes home to her hut, she does find Declan. He's inside waiting for her. "Hey," she says, and then, quietly, "Before you scream, can you get me some of the aspirin on my shelf and a glass of water?"


*

Title lyrics from Thea Gilmore's Heads Will Roll

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[girlsolo]

"Just forget it." The words come out with a matching cold snap to match her pulling back, gaze narrowing. "Last fucking thing I need right now is sex with someone who doesn't want it." Or him nancying his way through it, trying not to hurt her.

She rolls away, hiding the wince as she gets up to paw through her clothes for something clean and comfortable.

[duerespectguv]

"Excuse me for not wanting to injure you, Kate. I love you and I don't want to hurt you, the end. I'm sorry I'm a good man and I won't just fuck you on command because I think I might do more harm than good."

It makes him angry, her snapping at him for this when he's trying to protect her but in the end, he guesses it's probably for the best.

[girlsolo]

"You won't. You don't want. You think," Kate snarls and turns back to him, eyes blazing with the anger that's been simmering and boiling over alternately all day. Part of her knows she's taking something out on him that isn't his doing, but some of it is his doing. "What about what I want and what I think, huh? What about the fact that it's my damned body and I know what I can take? How about you stop being a patronizing jackass and let me make my own decisions."

[duerespectguv]

"How about you find someone to fuck you that doesn't care about protecting you from your own goddamn self-destructive tendencies? I care about you. You want it hard? You want it to hurt? That's not me," Declan snarls back.

"And it's never going to be me. Hurting you is never going to be on my agenda. I am not denying you anything you need emotionally, Kate, and I never would. But I am not going to be responsible for hurting you, the end. I'd hate myself."

[girlsolo]

"I just said I'd never let you hurt me. Jesus H. Christ. You don't get to be the one who decides what I need and what I don't." Since he obviously didn't get it. At all. How what he wanted, to coddle and cuddle her would just make her feel weak and vulnerable and stupid instead of giving her back what the day took from her. She even already said the sex could be gentle. It's like he's not even fucking listening.

She pulls on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts while she's growling, "I'm not going to find anyone else to fuck me. I made a promise when I said I loved you and I'm keeping it. But I am going for a walk." And probably a swim. The cool water will help keep down the swelling. But he doesn't need to know that or he'll just follow her or some fucking thing. "Go back to your hut. I'll see you when you can fuck me without worrying about hurting me."

[duerespectguv]

"Fine," Declan says and it's a little harsher than he would have liked. Luckily, it doesn't take long to pull his shirt back on and slide his boots on. Maybe he'll cool off in a few days but for now, he needs to leave before he says something he'll regret.

[girlsolo]

"Fine," Kate says as she brushes past him back out into the night. For some reason, it feels fucking important to be gone when he leaves. Even if all she wanted when she got home was for him to be here. To be with her and stay.