[For Savannah, William, Sam] Jan. 22: cradles and rocking chairs beneath the light

[girlsolo]

After leaving Sam at breakfast, Kate takes an extra few minutes to pull her shit together before heading in to the Children's Office. William doesn't know yet, and he shouldn't find out from her. That means she can't be weird and hover and hug him too much, because he's damned smart.

She stops in the women's bathroom to wash her face and take a breath. In the mirror, she checks her everything's fine mask. Yeah, that's a lie she can still tell. Except the hints of bruising under her eye and on her jaw, there's nothing to say it's been a hell of a seven days.

Because everything's fine means quick-moving no time for doing it the right way, she lifts her shirt and dries her face on it. Selling a story is about the little details. William won't notice and she doesn't much need to sell Savannah. It'll just be easier if it's not written all over her how much it's fucking with her.

Probably doesn't help she's barely seen Declan since he brought Joan and Emily by on the way to the clinic. Days later, she's cooled down enough to accept that she asked him to do something he just couldn't and she loves him for it. But it's a fucking mess of an impasse because him being like that makes her feel weak and vulnerable when she needs to feel strong.

Whatever. She'll deal with Declan later. Tomorrow. Maybe tonight. If he can just leave like Sam's husband... She bares her teeth at herself in the mirror. Pull it together, Freelander.

A few minutes later, she's walking into the Children's Office. Each kid that looks up gets a smile and she tips her chin to Savannah when she gets near her. "Hey. Sorry I'm a little late. Something important came up. Will the kids be okay if we step into the hall for a few minutes?" She doesn't want to talk about Jack where any of them can overhear.

*
Title lyrics from Kings of Leon, "Frontier City".

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[seeyousoonthen]

Savannah looked at her with those wide blue eyes that seemed so innocent and were yet somehow piercing. It was like she looked right into Kate and she nodded.

"Yeah, for just a minute," she said. All the babies were secure in their cribs and the little ones were involved in free play. And if anyone started screaming they'd just be on the other side of the door.

Savannah stepped out and blinked once.

"Looks like it must have been something big. Are you okay, Kate, honey?"

[girlsolo]

Savannah does that thing, like Will, where she can pretty much see right through her. It's fine. Kate wasn't planning not to tell her. But it makes the feelings bubble up again and it takes her a second to shove them back down.

Kate takes a breath and nods. "Yeah. Mostly. Just..." She sighs and shoves her hands in her pockets. "Jack O'Neill, William's guardian, he...he disappeared this morning."

[seeyousoonthen]

Her eyes grew more round with shock and Savannah lifted her hand to place it over her heart. It was so terrible when someone disappeared. It was always a hard loss. She couldn't imagine how hard it would be on William when it hadn't been too terribly long ago he'd lost his momma. It was such a rush of emotion that she could hardly stand it and so she reached out and hugged Kate, as much as to give comfort as to receive it.

"Oh my," she said in a sorrowful, small voice. "Sam must be devastated. Are you okay?"

[girlsolo]

Savannah reaching to hug her surprises Kate so much she doesn't stop her. By the time she gets her arms around Kate, it's too late to stop the big rush anyway. Then there's Savannah sounding so sad Kate can't stand it. She's another one like Bells Kate would pretty much do anything for.

She guesses that includes hugs, because she puts her arms around Savannah and hugs her back. "Sam's a wreck. William doesn't know." Did she say that before? She can't remember. "I'm...I don't know. Will and Helen lost someone close to them when I first got here, and my job at home's kind of dangerous. People die. So I'm sort of used to knowing it can happen." It just hits harder and harder each time now. "But William...he just..."

Kate backs up a step and then another and rubs her hand over her mouth. "He just keeps losing people. It makes me want to do something. Protect him somehow. Stupid, right?" He's not her kid.

[seeyousoonthen]

"It's not stupid at all. That's part of what we do, if you ask me. This is a safe space for the kids and no matter what else is going on they can be okay here."

She peeked through the door and then looked at Kate.

"If he doesn't know then it's not our place to tell him. But we can still have a fun day. Maybe we could do an art project and he can make something for Sam. Come on, Kate," she said, warm and gentle. "Let's get to work. Let's make it a good day before everything goes topsy turvy for him."

[girlsolo]

"Yeah, no. We won't tell him." She'd promised Sam they wouldn't and would try to see he didn't find out by accident.

Kate glances through the door herself, sees little William playing happily, and her heart wants to break for him. Poor kid. "I told Sam that I would tell Will, so he could come and check on William--" And Sam, but that's a different issue. "But I can do that in a little while."

Taking a breath, Kate pulls herself back together again. She's getting soft. It's too easy to rattle her, but she'll worry about that later. And-- "Oh. I hope it's not a problem. I also said she should take whatever time she needed for herself and I, um, we would watch William until she was ready to come get him."

[seeyousoonthen]

"It's not a problem at all. It's precisely why we have the day care in the first place," Savannah assured her. "Come on, you can help the kids be tidy foxes and clean up and I'll mix up some salt dough to make some sculptures. That sounds like a fun activity."

It was devastating and her heart went out to Sam and to William, but all a body could do was forge on. It was hard, a damned marathon every day, sometimes. But you couldn't just lay down and die.

So sculpture time it was.

[girlsolo]

"Tidy foxes?" Kate says and screws up her face. She gives Savannah one of those whose mother are you? looks that, but it's totally without teeth. It's kind of a relief, because it's normal on a day when things don't feel normal at all. "Okay. I'll go help them clean up their dens. And then we'll make sculptures."

Maybe it'll help. Somehow. If not, she'll go run and do target practice later or something.

[seeyousoonthen]

The day was uneventful. All the babies were fed and rocked and changed, all the big kids played and crafted and ate and napped. Savannah saw the inherent value in routine. It had been crucial in Alan's daily life and she had had it drilled into her in school just how important routine was. The kids here didn't have special needs but Savannah saw the need for it. Something stable and predictable in a place that could be terribly cruel and strange and hard for a little mind to process.

At the end of the day the only one left was William. That meant he got the attention of two young women, both of whom had only his best interest at heart.

"We can have some free time," she announced happily. "It's just you, William. Miss Kate an I will play with you if you choose something, or you can do more art. What is your choice?"

He was only two but she knew he understood the concepts of play, craft, and choice. He was a bright little boy.

[gate_expert]

William knew something was different. Aunt Sam was sad that morning and he hadn't seen Uncle Jack all day and even though all the other children were gone, he was still here. Aunt Sam never left him here this long. Something was wrong. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, so he just shrugged.

[girlsolo]

With a glance at Savannah, Kate crouches down next to William. He has a look, a quiet, thoughtful look that Kate doesn't love. He knows something's wrong. "Hey, Willmeister--" And yeah, it sounds weird to be calling a kid by her nickname for Will but it makes her smile so she hopes it will make him smile too. "We could make a present for Aunt Sam, if you want. Something with stars, maybe. What do you think?"

[seeyousoonthen]

"Oh, what a good idea," Savannah agreed. "Aunt Sam would love a present. Let's do that. Miss Kate and I can make presents, too. We'll all do it."

She was cheerful, but no more so than normal. Savannah was always sunny, or at least she was in the children's office. The kids, she felt, needed that.