[For Declan] Jan. 14: so concrete runs in rivers but there's sugar here to suck

[girlsolo]

After beating the crap out of Druitt and getting some of hers beat out too, Kate's more confused than anything. He didn't kill her. Didn't even try to kill her. To be fair, she hadn't tried to kill him either. Magnus wouldn't have forgiven her. Declan would be pissed even if he'd stand by her. Steve would've been 'disappointed' even if he got why she did it. Explaining it the Girl Scouts wouldn't have been worth it. And more than anything, she just...didn't like killing. She'd do it if she had to, but doing it when she didn't, didn't that make her just like him? Worse?

But now she's got a bitch of a black eye. Split lip. A bump on her head. Three seriously bruised ribs. Her right fist looks like she punched a stone wall. Because she did when she missed him. And her legs...she doesn't even want to think about the scrapes bruises.

She grabs fresh clothes from the box, a shower, and covers up the worst of it, then spends the day looking for Joan. It doesn't do fuck-all for the damage to her body. But she's awake, not concussed, she drinks enough water, keeps down her food, and doesn't find Joan in the caves or, bypassing civilization where Auggie and Annie are looking, farther out.

No Joan, no Druitt, no Declan. Not that she looks very hard for Declan before nightfall. He's going to be pissed. And...it's a waste of time. Every hour they don't find her decreases her chances of being alive. By nightfall, she's all but given up. She'll look again tomorrow but she doesn't expect to find her.

When she goes home to her hut, she does find Declan. He's inside waiting for her. "Hey," she says, and then, quietly, "Before you scream, can you get me some of the aspirin on my shelf and a glass of water?"


*

Title lyrics from Thea Gilmore's Heads Will Roll

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[girlsolo]

"I don't know. Does it?" Kate snaps before she has a chance to consider her words.

She knew he'd be pissed but now that he is, she's...not sure why. No one died (yet), she and Druitt squared off and come up with her on top, which means he respects her more than he did before and maybe he'll think twice before taking on anyone she cares about again. She actually believes he didn't do it.

"It had to happen. Me and him. If it wasn't today it would've been next week or the one after. Whether he's killing or not, he's making Will do his therapy. That's just fucking cruel. And Will can't say no because of Magnus. Someone had to take a swing at him and it was always going to be me."

Which, again, isn't an answer. She's not sure she wants his help right now, even if she needs it. She still hasn't gotten both her boots off.

[duerespectguv]

"The only reason he's not in a cave somewhere dead is because you've come back to me, Kate," Declan says tightly. "I realize that bodily harm means nothing to you but it means something to me. He could have killed you. You would have gotten your licks in, certainly, but he could have..."

It's hard to explain it and Declan's never really been so good with words anyway. Instead, he kneels down to tug at her boots.

"I love you. Seeing you like this makes me want to raze every building until I can rip that man limb from limb for laying a hand on you even if it's stupid and irrational and you don't need my protection."

[girlsolo]

"The only reason he's not in a cave somewhere dead," she starts out snarling but his words are sinking in, confusing her, mixing her up inside, and her tone flattens out, softens, "Is because I didn't knife him in the kidneys when I had a chance."

Her hand slides into Declan's hair and she pauses, just breathing. It's not something she needs, him getting all up on anyone who threatens or hurts her, but it feels good that he wants to. It feels...she feels...like it's okay to let him take care of her, because he can.

What could've gone ten rounds just stops with a softly offered, "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't... I'm just not used to people needing me home unbroken. Home and surviving was good enough."

[duerespectguv]

"I don't like seeing you this way," Declan says again, tugging off the boot. "It hurts me to see you like this and it makes me want to kill things. Not necessarily the best reaction, mind, but it's what's on the surface."

He slides his hand up, touches her knee. "Try to remember that?"

[girlsolo]

Kate mumbles another 'sorry'. It's not surly or anything. It's just not as important as, fuck her ribs and her bruises, sliding to her knees and pressing up close to him. Every breath hurts but she hurt him and that's not on.

"Don't need a knight in shining armor, babe," she murmurs, low, and backs it up with a soft, innocent kiss. "Not gonna lie, though. It's hot you getting your badass on over me."

[duerespectguv]

"Glad I can oblige your fantasies, then," Declan says, tone dry but a quirk of a smile touching his lips. "I always aim to please."

He kisses her back, soft and gentle, and closes his eyes. "I just...the thought of you being hurt riles me like nothing else. I'm sorry."

[girlsolo]

"You don't have to apologize for wanting to keep me safe, Declan," Kate says quietly, like it's a huge admission, and in some ways, it probably is. Ignoring the need for him to check at least her ribs for now, she slides her arms around him and works her knees between his. "Only for taking away my choices or trying to do it for me."

It's got nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with control. Taking care of herself and being able to take care of herself, they're who she is. It's never been about not wanting anyone else to do it. Just about not trusting it.

"I'm sorry I didn't...think how you'd feel. If I got hurt or whatever. Can't promise I won't go solo ever again but I'll try only to do it when I have to. Not just when I want to knock an asshole's teeth down his throat."

[duerespectguv]

Declan touches her cheek gently. "All I ask is that you think, period. I don't expect...I don't want or expect you to let me fight your battles for you. If I'd wanted that girl, I wouldn't be dating you. I'd just like a heads up as to whether or not you're coming home bruised and bloody and for what reasons so I can put aside the personal for the professional."

He sighs, just a bit. "Let me check you for fractures, then? I'd rather not have to get Magnus involved if she isn't already."

[girlsolo]

"Wasn't exactly planning it when I got up this morning," she protests softly.

If he'd been there when she got up this morning, this probably wouldn't have happened. The morning sun and no piles of blankets and chill would've been a great excuse for a morning in bed. But she doesn't say that because she's not ready for him to be in her bed or her in his every morning and if she says it, he might bring it up.

"I'll do better," she promises instead and then wriggles back up onto the bed-mat. "I don't think anything's broken. We weren't actually trying to kill each other."

[duerespectguv]

"Looks pretty close to me," Declan manages, sliding up beside her and running a careful hand down her side. "You mind if I check? I'll have to press, it'll probably hurt."

She probably knows that, as well, but it makes him feel better to warn her of a potential hurt if it might happen, makes him feel like he's in control.

[girlsolo]

Kate doesn't point out that if either of them had wanted the other dead, one of them would be and the other of them wouldn't be walking around searching for Joan. Declan knows how much damage she can do if she wants to and how much Druitt has done.

Instead, she runs her fingers down his arm and then pulls her shirt off and lies back for him. "Since you're not gonna stop worrying until you're sure nothing's broken and I'm not dying from hidden internal bleeding, go ahead." She smiles and it's warm, sweet, for a few seconds before it twists wicked. "Besides, I'm not getting any until you're sure, so. Yeah."

[duerespectguv]

Declan's brow shoots up, incredulous. She's beaten and bloody in places and now she's bringing up sex? Declan wants it, certainly, he always does when it comes to her but he'd rather not injure her further.

"Chances may be slim. I don't want to hurt you, Katie."

[girlsolo]

Kate Freelander doesn't pout. Not really. But she makes a pouty face at him. Partly for the sex and partly because if she's playing and making faces, he'll figure out she's okay, just sore. She hopes.

"You're the one who always wants to be gentle. Here's a perfect excuse." Or she could ride him so he's not putting any weight on her. "C'mon, babe. You know you want me."

[duerespectguv]

Declan's brow hasn't moved from where he arched it earlier and while he wants her, always, he still doesn't think it's a very good idea. Then again, most things with Kate aren't, and he always ends up having fun with it.

"This breaks every field medic's code of conduct. You do know that, right? My commander would have my hide for this if I were still active duty."

[girlsolo]

Kate sighs. It's probably a little melodramatic, but she is sore. His fingers aren't making anything hurt like time to go see, Magnus, Katie, let's go, but they're not setting off the usual shower of sexy sparks either. "You're not a field medic. You're not on active duty. You're my boyfriend."

She chews on her lip a little and makes a face at the tang of blood from where it's split. "Besides, it's 'first, do no harm' not 'first, don't fuck around'." There's a small grin for that that fades into a small shrug. He hates when she's not straight with him about stuff, so she adds, "I spent the morning with Druitt, thinking he killed the friend of someone I care a lot about. Got beat as bad as I beat him and then spent the afternoon looking for her. I just..." She glances away. "I need to think about something else. Or not think for awhile. I need... you."

[duerespectguv]

"Then you'll have me."

It's strange, how simple it gets when she's honest with him and when Declan leans in to kiss her, he can taste a little of her blood on his mouth. He needs to be careful, impossibly so, but he won't deny her this when she needs it. If she's asking, it must be necessary.

"I love you, Kate. Even when you're stubborn as a bull. Probably more when you're stubborn, even."

[girlsolo]

The tightness in her chest (the tightness that's not from bruised ribs) loosens when he says it. Even more when he kisses her. It's like...fucking Pavlovian, is what it is. The way he rewards her for being honest with him. She should be pissed. Maybe tomorrow. She's too tired, hurt, and needy to work up a head of steam over him giving her exactly what she needs right now. (Ever.)

"Me too," she tells him, both the love and the stubborn. It's still hard to say the words sometimes but she thinks he knows.

Before she can get all sentimental (which is just going to fuck with her head right now), she tugs at his shirt. "Me on top? That way no ribs are crushed in the making of these orgasms."

[duerespectguv]

"You on top," Declan agrees softly. He likes her there anyway where he can see her but today, there's the added concern of not hurting her. "And you tell me if I'm hurting you, Kate. I mean it. I couldn't forgive myself if I hurt you."

If it was up to him, he'd not be having sex with her right now and just cuddling instead but if she needs the connection, he won't deny her that. Just...carefully.

[girlsolo]

"Babe." After she tugs his shirt up as much as she can without his help, Kate puts a hand in the middle of his chest beneath the shirt and looks him square in the face. "I'm never going to let you hurt me. We clear?"

There's a world of difference between slamming each other around for good consensual rough sex or sparring and letting a guy hurt her. "If you were some other guy, that'd probably mean I'm never gonna let you smack me around or fuck me too hard. But it's you and I know you can't take hurting me. So it won't happen."

It's a weird kind of promise to make and weird to think about and just all over weird and she shakes it off with a soft kiss to his neck. "I'm okay, Declan. My brain's more banged up than my body and this'll help."

[duerespectguv]

Declan catches the hem of his shirt and tugs it off over his head, at least granting her that skin to skin contact while he tries to reconcile how he feels about having sex with her while she's injured.

"I know, I just don't...I don't know if I can do this. It's a little outside of my norm."

[girlsolo]

"Just forget it." The words come out with a matching cold snap to match her pulling back, gaze narrowing. "Last fucking thing I need right now is sex with someone who doesn't want it." Or him nancying his way through it, trying not to hurt her.

She rolls away, hiding the wince as she gets up to paw through her clothes for something clean and comfortable.

[duerespectguv]

"Excuse me for not wanting to injure you, Kate. I love you and I don't want to hurt you, the end. I'm sorry I'm a good man and I won't just fuck you on command because I think I might do more harm than good."

It makes him angry, her snapping at him for this when he's trying to protect her but in the end, he guesses it's probably for the best.

[girlsolo]

"You won't. You don't want. You think," Kate snarls and turns back to him, eyes blazing with the anger that's been simmering and boiling over alternately all day. Part of her knows she's taking something out on him that isn't his doing, but some of it is his doing. "What about what I want and what I think, huh? What about the fact that it's my damned body and I know what I can take? How about you stop being a patronizing jackass and let me make my own decisions."

[duerespectguv]

"How about you find someone to fuck you that doesn't care about protecting you from your own goddamn self-destructive tendencies? I care about you. You want it hard? You want it to hurt? That's not me," Declan snarls back.

"And it's never going to be me. Hurting you is never going to be on my agenda. I am not denying you anything you need emotionally, Kate, and I never would. But I am not going to be responsible for hurting you, the end. I'd hate myself."

[girlsolo]

"I just said I'd never let you hurt me. Jesus H. Christ. You don't get to be the one who decides what I need and what I don't." Since he obviously didn't get it. At all. How what he wanted, to coddle and cuddle her would just make her feel weak and vulnerable and stupid instead of giving her back what the day took from her. She even already said the sex could be gentle. It's like he's not even fucking listening.

She pulls on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts while she's growling, "I'm not going to find anyone else to fuck me. I made a promise when I said I loved you and I'm keeping it. But I am going for a walk." And probably a swim. The cool water will help keep down the swelling. But he doesn't need to know that or he'll just follow her or some fucking thing. "Go back to your hut. I'll see you when you can fuck me without worrying about hurting me."

[duerespectguv]

"Fine," Declan says and it's a little harsher than he would have liked. Luckily, it doesn't take long to pull his shirt back on and slide his boots on. Maybe he'll cool off in a few days but for now, he needs to leave before he says something he'll regret.

[girlsolo]

"Fine," Kate says as she brushes past him back out into the night. For some reason, it feels fucking important to be gone when he leaves. Even if all she wanted when she got home was for him to be here. To be with her and stay.