[For Declan] Quick fix and heartbeats, gets me so easily

[girlsolo]

It's been days since she's seen him. Since the day she took Will's baseball. It's not...it is because she's been avoiding him, but not because of the sex. Or him caring. Or her caring. She just..

She'd needed to do this alone.

Kate had needed to take the things she did, replace them the way she did. Will would say she was 'working through' something. Maybe. Or maybe she just needed to screw up and get caught so she could remember how that felt. Or maybe it was the same thing. Whatever it was, Declan couldn't have ridden shotgun on this one. He'd have stopped her and she'd have let him.

She doesn't want him to be her prison warden. To have to hold her leash. To have to clean up after her and she knows he will if she lets him. But it's okay tonight. The mess is managed, same as the mischief. It's on her head and no one else's.

Tonight, Kate doesn't want Declan for something. She just wants Declan.

He's not there when she gets to his hut. She could let herself in, but she won't. Instead, she parks her ass on the porch stairs and waits. If anything, the peace and quiet's kind of nice. The stars don't look familiar, but when she looks up at them, they're beautiful anyway.

*Title and lj-cut lyrics from The Sounds' Queen of Apology.

Comments

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" Kate taunts (asks, pleads). It's raw and filthy, like nothing she's ever felt. Nothing she's ever wanted with anyone else. Not mindless bruising and biting and coming but Declan slamming into her. Declan. Over and over and over. Her fingers slide into his hair and she yanks his head up. "You should put me on my hands and knees."

[duerespectguv]

"Yeah? That's how you want it?" Declan asks roughly, already moving to shift her into that position and out of missionary. He isn't normally so desperate but she makes him feel possessive and needy and all sorts of things he never usually feels.

"How you need it?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

He pulls back to shift her. Shaking her head and grinning sharply, Kate pulls one knee up to her chest and slides it beneath him and under his arm so she's on her side. Benefits of being flexible. All he has to do to get her to her knees is lift her. He can do it without pulling out of her. If he wants.

She reaches back and up, feeling the bites on her neck and the pull in her shoulder, and him, solid and hot in her cunt. Her hand curls around his neck, nails pressing into the skin to get his attention. "How I want it with you. Trust you."

No one else. Fuck, never. She'd never put herself in this vulnerable a position for someone she didn't trust with her life. Because that's what she's doing. He could snap her neck before she could flinch.

[duerespectguv]

He leans over her once she's up on her knees, warm and solid over her back while he's fucking her. "Nobody else like this, Katie. Promise me nobody else gets it like this but me, all right?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Declan's so deep she's choking on dick. He's bigger than her and she's pinned. Trapped beneath him. Instinct kicks hard -- until he starts talking. Then she's dropping, falling, pinwheeling into freefall. "Promise," she whines. "Swear. I swear."

Her fingers curl into the bed-linens and her forehead drops to her crossed arms. More.

[duerespectguv]

"No one else gets you like this," Declan hisses, fucking her harder, pushing her. He's not like this, usually, but she struck a nerve earlier wanting to sleep with other people and he wants her to remember what he's cutting her off from.

"This is mine, Katie."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Single Ladies slices through her brain. Kate whines again and grabs the pillow to press her face into. If her teeth weren't rattling she might be embarrassed about how hot this is for her, but they are and she's not.

"Take it," she growls back when she lifts her head to breathe and means take me.

[duerespectguv]

It doesn't take much to finish after that, hot and hard and not at all like he usually is and Declan presses a messy kiss against her shoulder as he still moves in her, working out the rest of the orgasm.

"Love, still with me?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

The next stroke after she baits him sends her flying. She always runs hot. Quick off the blocks. 0 to 160 in seconds. When your sex is grab-and-go, up against walls in smoky dark bars or a few hours in a bedroom a fuckton nicer than yours, you don't count on your partner getting you there.

Declan gets her there. Goddamn does he get her there. She's still pinging with the aftershocks when she hears his voice. Also, shaking, WTF? She lowers herself slowly to her stomach and then her side. "Yeah. Can you..." Kate tugs at his arm. "C'mere?"

[duerespectguv]

"Come here, love," Declan says lowly, tucking her in against him. He's shaking a little too, honestly, and he needs this bit with her.

"I wish...I wish you didn't need the space."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It doesn't feel like she does. Not right now. All of her warning bells about sex and cuddling went off and then went off. She's shaking, half-in-half-out and for once not thinking about how to get away or protect herself. She trusts him to do it for her.

"Me too," she finally confesses. Another minute passes, stretching out well past time for Kate to have her clothes on and go after a fuck like this (there's never been a fuck like this). She sets her chin on his shoulder. "But that's why I do."

[duerespectguv]

"I'm sorry I forgot the condom," Declan whispers, kissing her hair, then her temple. "It's not something I ever want to do, put you in jeopardy. I just...lost it. I get possessive or something, it's not really something I've really done before."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It's sweet. Him apologizing. She kisses his shoulder, complete forgiveness. "I'm a big girl. I could've stopped you. I didn't. My Depo shot should still be working and I know you. You're clean. And..." Kate shrugs, keeping it light to draw the sting out of it. "I always use protection. Magnus won't be killing either of us any time soon."

[duerespectguv]

"It might be a while before we do this again," Declan admits quietly. "But I'd like it if you'd stay over with me tonight, if that's not too much to ask? Not hemming you in too much, is it?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate nods and slides her arms around him. Her sex and cuddling can be tangled tonight. There probably won't be any sex for awhile to confuse things. "I want to stay." She doesn't want to wake up alone tomorrow, worried she's lost the best thing on this fucking island. "I like being with you. You know that."

[duerespectguv]

"I know. Feeling's mutual," Declan says, holding her close. "Which is why I'm conceding to letting you figure things out and come back to me instead of cutting my losses and letting you go. I wouldn't, if you didn't mean as much to me as you do."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Still don't know why you don't just say fuck it," Kate admits, quiet and a little bit humbled. Not a comfortable or familiar place for her. Not at all. There's a confused little smile in her voice when she says, "It's not the sex, or you wouldn't be cutting me off."

[duerespectguv]

"It's not the sex, Katie. I like it, I like it a hell of a lot, but it's not why I'm here with you."

It's stupid to admit it, probably, but it's not like she doesn't already know.

"And I'm willing to go without it until you feel like you want to make a go of it with me. Because that's not what it's about."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate knows. It's not about sex. She can lie to herself and make herself believe it started that way, but what's the point? It never has been. If it had, they'd fuck until they were done and then they'd be done.

She's worried, knots in her stomach, sick-worried, about what happens if she can't. If it always feels like too much. Talking about it's just going to make it worse, though, and asking how long he'll wait is too pathetic for words.

"I am 'making a go of it' with you, British," she finally says. "I'm not giving up sex with you for my health."

[duerespectguv]

"That's fair enough," Declan agrees, holding her a little tighter for a moment. "When you come back to me, I guess I want to know it's for me and only me and not just because I can fuck you until you can't move and it makes it easier to forget."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Told you, I'm here because I missed you. That didn't change just because you fucked me stupid." Which sounds dumb to her ears. If she missed him, why would it change because he's the best sex of her not-even-a-litte-bit-celibate life?

Kate burrows in closer, tangling her legs all up with his and breathing him in. She already misses this. "I don't want to keep talking about this. It sucks, and it can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I'm still here."

[duerespectguv]

"Tomorrow," Declan agrees, bringing his hand up to tip her face to his. He kisses her, slow and soft and a little sad, because when he's kissing her and expressing his feelings that way, at least words aren't getting in the way and making it complicated.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

When he kisses her, every time he kisses her, but especially these out-of-nowhere, no-sex-involved, everything-I'm-not-saying kisses, Kate stops being confused. For a few heartbeats, everything makes sense. She's still beyond scared, but she knows what she wants. Then it stops, and the doubt creeps in (storms in, smacks her in the face), and she knows she can't have it. He's too good for her. And it's hard, really hard, not to feel like he's kissing her goodbye.