[For Declan] Quick fix and heartbeats, gets me so easily

[girlsolo]

It's been days since she's seen him. Since the day she took Will's baseball. It's not...it is because she's been avoiding him, but not because of the sex. Or him caring. Or her caring. She just..

She'd needed to do this alone.

Kate had needed to take the things she did, replace them the way she did. Will would say she was 'working through' something. Maybe. Or maybe she just needed to screw up and get caught so she could remember how that felt. Or maybe it was the same thing. Whatever it was, Declan couldn't have ridden shotgun on this one. He'd have stopped her and she'd have let him.

She doesn't want him to be her prison warden. To have to hold her leash. To have to clean up after her and she knows he will if she lets him. But it's okay tonight. The mess is managed, same as the mischief. It's on her head and no one else's.

Tonight, Kate doesn't want Declan for something. She just wants Declan.

He's not there when she gets to his hut. She could let herself in, but she won't. Instead, she parks her ass on the porch stairs and waits. If anything, the peace and quiet's kind of nice. The stars don't look familiar, but when she looks up at them, they're beautiful anyway.

*Title and lj-cut lyrics from The Sounds' Queen of Apology.

Comments

[duerespectguv]

Searching for Kate's not as easy as Declan would expect, considering the island's not all that big. He's combed over a few of her favorite caves and huts and he's checked the Hub. He checked the Winchester too, on a lark, and all he managed to find was Magnus having dinner and no, she hadn't seen Kate. Declan made quick work of getting away before Magnus got it in her head to go looking and decided to head back home.

He's not really surprised to see her on his porch, looking like she belongs there. Of course, the last place you look.

"Almost forgot what you look like, you know."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate hears him from a ways off. Declan's a good operative. Stealthy in the field when he needs to be, but the jungle's no one's friend. Especially not a guy his size.

Knowing he's coming doesn't stop the surge of whatever that comes with hearing his voice. She pushes up to her feet and smiles. It's a lie, but it's a true lie. "No you didn't. You just know the real thing's better than you remember."

[duerespectguv]

"Touche," Declan says, smile dropping a touch. "Now, here's the place where I ask if you've been avoiding me because I said something wrong. Doubt that's it, though, since you don't seem the type."

No, Kate's a little deeper than that. A lot deeper. And...given how she feels about the island, the reasons may not be innocuous.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"No. No," Kate answers quickly, wanting to put that to rest. "God no." Apparently needing to make sure it stayed that way too. She's not going to think about why it's so important. Thinking's what got her into this mess.

"I had some...things I needed to work out." She lifts a hand to reach for him, but lets it fall again, loose at her side for once, not clenched. "That's all."

[duerespectguv]

It doesn't take long for Declan to read the motion as reaching for him and not just idle and he tugs her into his arms.

"Worked out now?"

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Kate should shove him away. She slides her arms around his waist and rests her head against his chest instead. How fucked up is it that she's missed this. Five days, and she's missed him.

"Yeah, maybe." Will knows, which means Magnus knows. He might know already. "Did some stupid shit and now I've got to make up for it. But I kind of needed to do it anyway."

[duerespectguv]

He knows but he doesn't think it's necessary to bring it up. If Kate wants to talk, she'll talk, but he's not going to push it and inadvertently push her away. He strokes her hair instead.

"Then make up for it and move on. I'm not judging, love."

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"Did she..." Kate stops. Magnus is the head of the Sanctuary Network. She and Declan and Will are her operatives. If she told him, she did. Full stop. But Kate wants him to hear it from her.

"I'll tell you about it. But can we go inside?" She doesn't want to let go of him, but standing out here like this feels dangerously exposed.

[duerespectguv]

"Yeah, let's go in," Declan agrees, choosing not to comment on how he knew about Kate's recent bad behavior. It doesn't matter. She's done it and she has to make up for it but that's for Kate and the IPD to sort out and not for Declan to lecture her for. He doesn't think that'll solve anything.

He lets them in and keeps her close, kissing the top of her head. "You know you don't have to tell me unless you want, right?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"You're going to find out," Kate says, a weird, stubborn pride rising in her. "If you don't know already." She chews on her bottom lip for a minute and then shrugs. "You're probably about the only person who cares what was going on with me. I mean, Will does and so does Magnus, but for them, it's not weird. It's...the girl they knew."

Kate kind of nudges him toward the couch-thing and somehow (she's just not going to think about it or why she wants it) ends up in his lap. "You're the only one who knows...me."

[duerespectguv]

"Fair enough," Declan agrees. He doesn't want her to feel like she can't ever talk to him and even though it doesn't matter for him to hear this story, if she needs to tell it, he'll listen.

"So talk to me. Tell me what's got you bothered?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Nothing new." Kate rests her head against his shoulder and slides her hand under his shirt. It's not...she's not trying to turn it into anything. It's just...less weird if there's skin involved.

"Same old Kate shit, different day," is how she starts it, and then, "I went to see Will. He wasn't there. But there were these baseballs. And they pissed me off. So I took one."

Now that she's telling him, she realizes, maybe he doesn't know. Doesn't know why they'd piss her off. She lifts her head. "How much of the stuff about Jimmy and my dad do you know?"

[duerespectguv]

"Not much, I'm afraid. I was busy dealing with dragon hatchings," Declan says, thinking back. "Magnus had mentioned a casualty, though, on that particular mission. That's about the extent of it. I'm assuming Jimmy was the casualty?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate nods, quiet for a minute. She told Magnus and that was okay. She can't figure out how to tell Will and she doesn't know why it's harder with him. Declan's not supposed to know already.

So Kate tells him. "Jimmy killed my dad."

[duerespectguv]

Heavy stuff, knowing she'd worked with a man who killed her father and Declan takes a moment to stroke her hair and try and comfort her a bit.

"Damn. Didn't know that. Did anyone?"

Did Magnus? Declan doesn't think she'd put Kate in that situation but then nobody knows how Magnus's mind works.

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"No." Kate rubs her fingertips against his stomach. She's okay right now. Mostly. Except the part where she's curled in his lap and getting petted and letting him do it.

"I got shot. He dug the bullet out and saved me, but we were stuck waiting for Magnus. So we talked. We were both from Chicago. He was a Sox fan and my dad was a Cubs fan." It all makes sense to her, and she wants Declan to get it. "I was there the day it happened, Jimmy blowing up the PD to take out my dad. I always thought they just turned on him. But he turned on them. He was going to straight and then he got killed."

She tilts her head up to look Declan in the eyes. "I didn't shoot him. I was going to, but then I didn't. And the last thing he said to me before I didn't shoot him and he sacrificed himself for all of us was 'Go Sox!' Will's a Jays fan, you know. But this Will...he doesn't know about the Cubs, the Sox, and the Jays. And that baseball...it was just pissing me off."

[duerespectguv]

"Understable, in a way," Declan says quietly. It's been a while since he's lost anyone close, probably James and Ashley, if he's honest, and he was much closer to the former than the latter.

It never stops hurting, though, and he's not sure that if he was faced with the Cabal agent that killed Ashley he wouldn't be tempted to do the same thing Kate was almost tempted to do.

"So you...took it, then? The baseball?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." It sounds like he understands. Maybe not the same way a shrink would understand. Like Will would. But in a different way, one that...feels a lot safer.

"And then I went to Trixa's place because she's like me. I thought if I took a look around, I might find out some stuff we needed to know. There wasn't anything and I got freaked out and pissed. So I took something of hers. But I knew it was something important to her and I didn't want to hurt her. So, the next day I went and gave that to someone else. And took something of theirs. It was..." Kate shrugs, hoping he'll get it. "Kind of a prank. A way to blow off some steam without really hurting anyone. I know it was stupid. But...I always run, when I feel like this. Now there's nowhere to go."

[duerespectguv]

"No way to change your name and move to the next town and the next mark, no," Declan says after a long moment. He guesses that would be the kiss of death for a con like Kate but the Kate he knows isn't just a con anymore.

"So why did you come here, then? After you've been avoiding me all week, why come here?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate lifts her chin to look him in the eyes again, solid. "I couldn't come here, be with you, not when I was like that. I had to finish it." Which she did. She was putting the last thing where it would be found, not stealing anything else. They caught her because Will tipped them off and because she got sloppy, maybe on purpose. "Had to do it for me, not because you'd think less of me."

There. Maybe she's shaking and feels like she wants to bolt but it's said. She doesn't want to be the old Kate anymore. And...he knows. It matters what he thinks of her. It matters a lot.

"Came back..." Her voice drops and her fingers curl against his skin. "You know me." She shrugs, awkward with the truth after so many lies, but comfortable with him. Too comfortable. "And I just...really missed you."

[duerespectguv]

"Missed you too, love," Declan says easily, wrapping his arms a little more firmly around her. She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself, of course, but she's a little vulnerable right now and that hits him and makes him want to protect her. Maybe she won't call him on it.

"Which is why I went out looking for you."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate never wants to be held. Not like this. Never. But she's not going to drink it all away, nowhere to run, new sexual conquests feel like razor wire slices. If he wants to hold onto her, that's okay. Tonight. It's fine. Because she just wants him.

"Yeah?" She aims for smoky, but doesn't quite get there. It's more please tell me you wanted me than she ever wants to hear coming from her. "Didn't trust that I'd come back on my own?" That sounds more like Kate Freelander, even if it's not edged, not at all.

[duerespectguv]

"I didn't want to wait around any longer. Got impatient," Declan admits and that's mostly the truth. He could have waited her out, he supposes, but it's better to have her in his arms without waiting any longer.

"Turns out I didn't have to be, I guess."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"Not gonna lie and say I'll always come back." Not gonna lie. Since when? She knows when. But since when is telling the truth easier?

"At home...I probably wouldn't have come back. Not until we had to work together again." Kate tucks her head back down to his shoulder and smooths his shirt, but messes it up again when her hand slides back under it. "But we're not home. Nowhere to run now. When I try, I always end up here."

Here. In his arms. With him.

[duerespectguv]

"You should have come to me in the first place," Declan says, wondering how that'd go. Would it make her angry?

"When you're feeling like you need to run, you should run to me."