[For Declan] Quick fix and heartbeats, gets me so easily

[girlsolo]

It's been days since she's seen him. Since the day she took Will's baseball. It's not...it is because she's been avoiding him, but not because of the sex. Or him caring. Or her caring. She just..

She'd needed to do this alone.

Kate had needed to take the things she did, replace them the way she did. Will would say she was 'working through' something. Maybe. Or maybe she just needed to screw up and get caught so she could remember how that felt. Or maybe it was the same thing. Whatever it was, Declan couldn't have ridden shotgun on this one. He'd have stopped her and she'd have let him.

She doesn't want him to be her prison warden. To have to hold her leash. To have to clean up after her and she knows he will if she lets him. But it's okay tonight. The mess is managed, same as the mischief. It's on her head and no one else's.

Tonight, Kate doesn't want Declan for something. She just wants Declan.

He's not there when she gets to his hut. She could let herself in, but she won't. Instead, she parks her ass on the porch stairs and waits. If anything, the peace and quiet's kind of nice. The stars don't look familiar, but when she looks up at them, they're beautiful anyway.

*Title and lj-cut lyrics from The Sounds' Queen of Apology.

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[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate pulls herself up to sit at the head of the bed, arms around her knees. She needs to breathe. To think. To try to make good choices for once.

After she gets her mile-a-minute brain under control, she rubs her forehead and tries to find words that won't push him away. "It's not old-fashioned. It's kind of cool. No one's ever wanted this with me before." She gives him a smile that's soft, but nervous. "I don't want to sleep with anyone else. I just...need the freedom to do it. I need the freedom to make mistakes and have bad days and act out without breaking the one thing I can count on."

[duerespectguv]

"I can try to understand it," Declan promises. "But this...this can't happen again until you're willing to be exclusive with me. I'll be damned if I have to think about you fucking someone else when you're with me. I don't mean to be crass or cruel about it but that's the only way I can give you the freedom you need."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

It's not what she wants. At all. But it's fair, so she tells herself the lie that it's fine. "This... is us fucking. Not us--" Kate gestures between them. "Being together?"

[duerespectguv]

"I'm not going to take away my friendship, Kate," Declan says softly. "And I'm not going to ever keep you from me if you need me. But I can't have sex with you if I know you're just going to be with someone else tomorrow night. I can't."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"I get it. The no sex thing." Frowning, Kate chews at her bottom lip and stares past him to the wall of a hut on an island that already feels like a cage. The old Kate Freelander would pick up her clothes and see him approximately never.

The new Kate Freelander...she maybe kind of wants this. Them. Together. Not like Magnus and Will, but together. She just needs...guest quarters for awhile. To see what it's like now without it, before she commits to getting the trash picked up at four. "But what about when you need me?"

[duerespectguv]

"Then I trust I'll be able to find you. I can track as well as anyone," Declan says, trying to make something that's not light a little lighter. "And it's you I'd want for that."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"I won't be far." Kate unfolds herself and tries to crawl back into his arms. "I found a place. Halfway between here and Magnus and Will. I'll show you where it is."

Jesus, Freelander. Telling him how to find you? Who the hell are you turning into?

[duerespectguv]

"We'll go scout in the morning, then," Declan says, opening his arms and tugging her close. "I don't mean to hurt you, Katie. You have to know that. I wouldn't ever try to hurt you on purpose just to prove a point."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Not fucking means cuddling comes easier. Even if they're naked and she'd roll for him in a heartbeat. Even if, it's still easy to fit herself into the space he makes for her.

"I know." She rests her head against his shoulder. "I'm trying not to hurt you, too." But without distractions... No crying. Not fucking crying. Her fingers tighten their grip on him. "Favor?"

[duerespectguv]

"Anything, love, you know that," Declan says softly, petting her hair. Even if he can't fuck her, this isn't about that anyway. It never has been.

"What do you need?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate can't fucking believe she's going to say this. Any of it. It's so...not her. Except, it is, she guesses. That aching feeling of loss and longing like watching a message in a bottle float away from shore. When it's him, this who she is. She's not sure she likes it. But she's not losing him.

"Two favors then, and a promise." She gives him a small grim smile. "Promise first. I won't bring anyone else back to my bed. There might be people there if you just show up. But I promise it won't be for sex."

[duerespectguv]

"All right," Declan says cautiously. He wants her to tell him on her own time and not force it, so he rubs his hand lightly down her back to encourage her to keep talking.

"No sex in your bed. What favors did you need?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"No sex with anyone else in my bed." It's important. A distinction. She wants him to know he's never going to walk in on her fucking someone else. She can promise him that. "First favor, can I have the same promise?"

[duerespectguv]

All I want is you, Declan thinks, but he's not fool enough to say it out loud. He's the pathetic one in this and he knows it but he can at least keep it from her for a little while.

"Absolutely. If it happens, it won't be here."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Her breath catches at how fast he makes that promise. He's so much too good for her. He deserves so much better than her crap.

Silent for a few minutes, her fingertips rub thoughtfully against his chest. She tips her head up to meet his gaze. "Don't stop calling me 'Katie'?" It's pathetic, practically a whimper. But it's a tell. As long as he can keep calling her Katie, she can come back. When he stops...they're over.

[duerespectguv]

"If you like it, I'll keep calling you that," Declan promises, grinning at her. "But I get the sense you'd have my balls in a vice if I ever did it in front of anyone else. How on the mark is that?"

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Even though her instinctive answer is yes, Kate stops to think that through. New policy. Think before she speaks. At least when it comes to him. "No. It's okay," she ends up saying. "As long as you promise to bail me out if I punch anyone else for doing it."

[duerespectguv]

"Absolutely. Even if you punch Zimmerman," Declan says, tweaking her nose a little. "I wouldn't do it in public anyway. It's my pet name for you, love, and nobody else has any business hearing it."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"God. You know he will. The first time he hears you say it, he'll start up with it." Will never met an accent of a joke he wouldn't steal. She frowns. "I don't want him calling me that. You punch him if he does. He doesn't give a crap what I want."

[duerespectguv]

"If I punch Zimmerman for pet naming you, you're going to have to keep Magnus from shooting me, then," Declan reminds her. "She's fierce when it comes to him. Any of us, really, but especially him."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

Kate pushes him to his back and straddles him. Not really starting anything, but she's not sure when this no fucking starts and if there's another fuck before he cuts her off, she's not complaining.

"Magnus and I understand each other." Kate grins down at him, sharp and fierce. She's not giving him up. No way. "You might've been hers first, but there's nowhere on this island she can hide from me if she hurts you."

[duerespectguv]

"Bloody hell. I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Declan says, trying to tamp down his urge to roll her over and fuck her until they're both mindless and all this shit about feelings is gone.

"Doubt it'll come to that, though."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

This is why he can't stop calling her 'Katie'. Why she has to have the freedom to fuck up. They're good together. Really good. Not just for sex (but the heat in his eyes, holy fuck hot). They're a team.

She leans down to him, hands pushing up his chest, and whisper-growls, "Babe, that goes triple for anyone who isn't Magnus." And ten times over for anyone else you fuck.

[duerespectguv]

Declan hisses a little and takes in a sharp breath before cupping her hips, hard. His thumbs might bruise her but he's not overly concerned with that right now, not when he feels like this.

"Katie, tell me it's a very bad idea to roll you over and fuck you right now."

[girlsolo.livejournal.com]

"No." She snaps her teeth at him and rocks her hips to stroke herself along his cock. "I'm not going to pretend I don't want you."

Her eyes close. God he feels good. Giving this up... she's got to be insane to be agreeing to this. "If you're cutting me off until I'm ready to commit, give me a reason." Softer, huskier, "Fuck me, Declan."